It is just one element that appears in the former England goalkeeper’s new autobiography, All In: Football, Life and Learning to be Unapologetically Me, which is published on Thursday.
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Earps describes how during the 2020 lockdown she went from “eating cookies instead of meals” to “stopping eating” and drinking vodka regularly. “I had locked myself into a shadow of myself,” she writes.
The former Manchester United goalkeeper says she “lost the will and the will to live” during that period and, although she never acted on those suicidal thoughts, she considered what means she could take to end her life. It was former United manager Casey Stoney who suggested he consult a clinical psychologist, considered by Earps to be “the best” the club offered.
Having thought her England career was over under former boss Phil Neville, Earps was called up to the England squad in Sarina Wiegman’s first camp in September 2021 and went on to win the 2022 European Championship with the Lionesses.
Here are the key takeaways from a very raw autobiography…
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England’s number 1
The book has already made headlines after The Guardian published an extract on Friday afternoon in which Earps, who retired from international football five weeks before Euro 2025, criticizes Wiegman’s process for deciding England’s number one goalkeeper. When Wiegman selected Hannah Hampton, whom Earps sometimes refers to in the book as his “competitor,” to start against Ireland in April 2024, Earps says he told Wiegman that “bad behavior is being rewarded.”
In the book, Earps also says that while on duty in England in the summer of 2024, he “felt there was a distinct lack of care for me and my well-being” and describes the relationship of the goalkeeping unit as “terrible.” Hampton and Manchester City’s Khiara Keating were named in the squad at the time, while Orlando Pride’s Anna Moorhouse was called up for the first time later in the international window. “What had been a circus was now a bomb ready to explode,” he writes, without going into further details.
The revelations have caused shockwaves throughout the game, with fans, former players and Chelsea manager Sonia Bompastor invited to comment. Bopastor strongly backed his goalkeeper Hampton and three-time Euro winner Wiegman, saying: “It is unacceptable to not show respect to your teammates or coaches.”
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Former Lioness and England’s most-capped player Fara Williams said in her TNT Sports column that the way the Earps have made public comments about Hampton is “pretty disconcerting,” while former international teammate and Euro 2022 winner Ellen White said Earps’ comments made her feel “a little uncomfortable” and have “penetrated” the team bubble. Likewise, White added that he felt “a lot of sadness” for the former England number one.
Earps has defended its position in several media appearances, both before and after the release of the initial excerpt. “It’s been really overwhelming to see how some things have become a bit distorted,” he told the BBC. “I didn’t write this book to tear anyone down. That’s not who I am as a person. This is real life. It has consequences. It’s not a drama.”
Both England and Wiegman declined to comment when approached. The Athletic.
Struggles with body image.
Earps also speaks candidly about her struggles with body image, ingrained from an early age and exacerbated by feeling self-conscious that coaches were watching her when she ate. As a teenager, he says he would restrict his calorie intake to try to lose weight. She says football encouraged comparison among her peers and, along with the “coded language” of coaches, she began to dislike her body.
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Those teenage insecurities stayed with her. During her time at then Women’s Super League team Bristol City, she “tried one fad diet after another” and took “fat-burning pills” in a desperate attempt to reduce the number on the scale. She refers to the lack of education on nutrition, hydration and performance of athletes.
His departure from Manchester United
The Paris Saint-Germain goalkeeper says she hoped to finish her career at Manchester United. Earps joined the WSL team from Wolfsburg in 2019, but in the summer of 2024 his contract was due to expire.
Behind the scenes, Earps believes progress toward greater investment in the women’s team remains slow. After Euro 2022, it says the club had promised to move the women’s team to the club’s Carrington training ground alongside the men’s team. But the broken commitment left players feeling, according to Earps, like a “publicity exercise” rather than a genuine intention to include them. The team eventually moved into the new £10 million ($12.7 million) women’s and academy building in the summer of 2023.
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After the 2023 World Cup, in which England lost 1-0 to Spain in the final and Earps won the tournament’s Golden Glove, Arsenal made a bid, reportedly significantly higher than the record for a female goalkeeper of £100,000, for United’s then number one. Earps hoped United would contact her, but she says they didn’t and describes the situation as “dizzying.”
Earps told manager Marc Skinner that it made her feel devalued and that her future was not an urgent matter. As of early 2024, Earps says United had yet to submit a new bid since its initial proposal before the 2023 World Cup.
United finally came to the table at the end of the season, and their offer represented a better package overall, but Earps says he felt United, despite aiming to be in contention to win the Champions League by then, “didn’t feel close”.
He also says United had not told him about moving out of the new women’s team building to make way for the men’s first team while renovations were carried out at Carrington during the 2024-25 season. Earps left United in the summer of 2024 and signed a two-year contract with PSG.
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Responding to Earps’ comments, a United spokesperson said: “We are grateful for the important contribution Mary made during her time with Manchester United, including a key role in winning our first major women’s trophy in the 2024 FA Cup final. She will always have our respect and we look forward to welcoming her back to Old Trafford for our Champions League match against PSG on Wednesday night.”
Sexuality and motherhood
Earps also opens up about his sexuality and his partner, Kitty, a former Manchester United physiotherapist, and the challenges their relationship initially posed for his parents. She believes that “sexuality is not linear” and does not need to be “labeled.”
Earps, 32, expresses that she always wanted to have children and discusses conversations about fertility options and the process of starting egg retrieval surgery. His contract with PSG expires next summer, but he says his career is “far from over.”
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This article originally appeared in The Athletic.
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