Doctors Reveal Patient’s Lies So Ridiculous They Had to Leave the Room to Laugh

Even if you’ve never seen an episode of Grey’s AnatomyYou can probably guess that doctors have some pretty wild stories about their patients.

In two Reddit threads (which you can see here and here), medical professionals shared the most obvious lies patients have ever told them, and let’s just say I don’t know whether to laugh or worry.

Here are 21 different stories:

1. “Dentist here! The owner of the nail salon across the parking lot is my patient. Every 6 months, I ask him if he smokes cigarettes. Every visit, he denies it. And yet, every day I watch him from my office, smoking a pack of cigarettes. Sometimes I wave at him.”

–CassieRamirez

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2. “‘I didn’t drink’. Sir, your blood alcohol level would kill a normal man and I can smell it from the entire apartment. Plus, you fell twice trying to get up.”

–Legit lagomorph

3. “They always ‘drink a lot of water,’ which they clearly don’t.”

–Cic77

4. “To be prescribed a GLP-1 agonist for weight loss, patients are supposed to follow an exercise program and try to eat healthily. It’s very obvious when people lie about exercise, not because they are still overweight, but because their bodies lack any kind of athletic tone consistent with exercise.”

–ezzy13

5. “I was just a medical student, but a patient I took her history on wanted Ativan for anxiety. She was telling me that her panic attacks are so bad that she gets into car accidents with victims every week. I mean, a lot of patients lie or act coy to get controlled substances, but she was the only one who admitted to multiple counts of vehicular manslaughter. When I presented her case to my assistant, she He showed me a note in another doctor’s EMR. claiming that this was a common tactic of hers, as well as an extensive online list of every prescription that different doctors had given her for controlled substances. He did not receive a prescription for Ativan that day.”

—Ipsenn

6. “‘Of course I floss every day.'”

–Sweet-Emu-5095

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7. “‘I’ve never smoked in my life.’ And you’re sure they smoked a cigarette literally like 10 minutes before you came, because they smell like an ashtray and have really bad PVD.”

–HuckleberryGlum1163

8. “A patient once said, ‘I was standing on the corner minding my own business when someone walked by and blew a white substance in my face. That’s why I tested positive for cocaine.'”

–DoctorEducativo460

9. “My brother is a doctor and he once told me about a girl who was very obviously faking seizures, and when another doctor said she was faking, he stopped mid-‘seizure’ and said, ‘NO, I’M NOT DOING IT.'”

–strong thongs

10. “When I was a medical student, I was on an emergency room rotation with an older guy who came in and claimed to have severe abdominal pain. Just touching his stomach would make him scream in pain.”

“The assistant asked him to stand up. He gets out of bed and acts like he’s in severe pain. The assistant asked him to jump. So, he started jumping up and down. Then the assistant looked at me and asked, ‘Have you ever seen someone with an acute abdomen be able to jump?’

So yeah, this guy was a known painkiller seeker.”

-Bavarian

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11. “An ambulance call came in stating that the patient called 911 after his abdomen spontaneously exploded. He arrived with a gaping hole in the middle of his abdomen. A quick x-ray showed 1,000 shotgun pellets in his belly. His partner shot him and thought lying about it would keep her out of trouble. He lived and she went to jail.”

–drgloryboy

12. “My college roommate works some hours in the emergency room and people still come in all the time saying they slipped and fell on (insert object) first.”

“I think in 2025, this would be a thing of the past. You can literally order butt plugs online and have them delivered directly to you without anyone knowing. There’s no reason to keep sticking household items in there when we have so many things designed specifically to go in the butt.”

–esoterico_enigma

13. “I’m an occupational therapist, and one of my clinical rotations was in inpatient psychology. We had a patient waiting outside the door to our meeting room, and the moment the door opened, he would drop to the floor and begin ‘seizure’ violently.”

“We got so used to it (as happened EVERY Wednesday) that we would all politely step over him and say things like ‘Hey Kurt, good morning,’ ‘Kurt, you’re not taking any more Klonopin today,’ and ‘You might want to stop doing that, buddy, it’s probably going to hurt.’

After we had all stepped over him and returned to our respective jobs, he would calmly get up from the ground and act as if nothing had happened. “I’ve been told that this is typical psychiatric behavior, but as a student it was very strange and revealing.”

–Sconniegrrrl68

14. “I’m a vet: dog vomits green plant material that smells like skunks, leaks urine, and high AF.”

“‘Is there any chance your dog ate grass?’

‘At all!’

Great, we can do $300 to $500 worth of tests to see if it’s something else, or you can just tell me it’s marijuana.”

–BlondePuppyDoctor

15. “When I was an intern, I was doing my rotation in the ER, and a woman in her 30s came in complaining of nausea and lower abdominal discomfort for the past few days. I dutifully took the history and of course asked her about the possibility that she was pregnant. She flipped out and got angry at me…she said she was a lesbian woman and hadn’t been with a man for over 10 years. She yelled at me. to call my boss and leave him an “Adult” address. I informed my assistant and outlined the tests I wanted done. He said: “I didn’t hear any plans for a pregnancy test.” And I said, ‘I don’t think it’s necessary…she’s a lesbian and hasn’t been with a man in 10 years.’ My assistant smiled and said, “Listen to me.” I was pregnant like a whore. He went back to his room and there were two guys assaulting each other, about to fight. “He couldn’t even look me in the eye.”

—Phillip Llerenas

16. “Guy told me that he had never had surgery, even though he clearly had a midline laparotomy scar (a large surgical scar on his abdomen). He then told me that he had had liver cancer and that the scar was from that, so I looked up the records of the hospital where he had told me that he had had that surgery.”

“The surgery had been to remove a rectally inserted shampoo bottle. We were in a city with a LOT of hospitals, so I have no idea why he told me to check the records at the actual place he had gone for the shampoo bottle surgery.”

–pantsuit

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17. “A long time ago, I was in medical school on my emergency medicine rotation. The young man (I forget his complaint) denied recreational drug use.”

“Later, I leaned over to examine his ankles and a used crack vial came out of the hem of his jeans.

The patient said (verbatim): ‘Man! That’s my mother’s! Yo said Don’t let her do that shit.'”

–Senior Scientist-2679

18. “Not a doctor, but a medical laboratory scientist. The most common thing I see is elderly people coming in with sky-high blood glucose levels, necrotic toes, and large ulcers saying, ‘I’ve been compliant with my diabetes medication/care plan,’ etc. Ma’am, your A1C is the highest number my analyzer can report, and your appendages are falling apart.”

–Deezus1229

19. “I had a lady in the hospital who was several days post-op and had met all the criteria for discharge. This can be a somewhat difficult situation, because you want to maintain a good relationship with your patient, but at the same time, you can’t inappropriately use hospital resources. I told her that if there is no medical need, insurance could deny payment for the extra night in the hospital, to which she said, ‘Oh, my health insurance agent was just here and said I should stay another day’. I stared at her for a minute, since I had never seen an insurance representative at the hospital and I don’t even know if health insurance agents exist. “He later admitted that he had simply made it up.”

—boondock_saint

20. “More than once, someone in my office called Mr.

“Ms.

–Kireina25

21. And finally, “Right now, when the patient said no doctor had seen him since he was admitted, when I personally saw him two hours ago.”

—Vetinarisscorpionpit

What do you think? Let me know in the comments!

Note: Responses have been edited for length and clarity.

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