Maria called The Ramsey Show of New York City for advice on a marital dispute involving a new truck.
She told co-hosts Jade Warshaw and George Kamel that she and her husband earn a total of $170,000 a year. They have worked hard to become debt-free, funding their Roth IRAs every month, and setting aside money for their children’s college funds in 529 savings plans (1).
Now Mary’s husband wants them to go back into debt so he can get a new truck. But Mary wants to wait so she can buy the truck debt-free in a year and save along the way.
Warshaw praised the couple’s achievements in becoming debt-free.
“You’ve lost perspective on what you’ve accomplished and what it allows you to do, which is very different from the average American,” he added.
Warshaw and Kamel quickly zeroed in on the topic. It’s not about whether Mary and her husband can afford the new vehicle; It’s about your attitude toward the purchase.
“We all want a new car tomorrow,” Warshaw said. “But there’s an adult part of us that says the world doesn’t work that way.”
This is what Warshaw and Kamel advised, along with the importance of making financial decisions that are mutually beneficial in a relationship, to avoid marital conflict.
Kamel noted that a family should not invest more than half of its income on vehicles.
He recommended that Mary and her husband sell the car they had and use the proceeds to buy a nice used truck.
Mary was thinking the same thing, but he keeps insisting that they buy a more expensive truck now, which means going back into debt. This highlights how they are not aligned on monetary issues.
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This is all too common. In 2024, an Ipsos survey revealed that 34% of Americans in relationships find money to be a source of conflict in their relationships, and 37% say their partner spends too much money on impulsive purchases (2).
However, these disagreements over shared finances are often a sign of deeper conflicts in a relationship, including communication problems and a lack of shared values.
But being in debt and struggling financially can add unnecessary stress to a relationship, especially if a couple doesn’t share the same financial perspectives and goals.
While Warshaw and Kamel acknowledged the conditions that can make big savers want to become big spenders, they also warned about the risks of falling into debt after a period of financial well-being.
“It’s that fatigue that sets in and drives you crazy,” Warshaw said. “You’ve done so many things right, but you still haven’t reached what you think the finish line should be. You think, I deserve this. I work hard… but it’s a very dangerous place to be in.”
“I’m not mad at your husband. But I do want to stop him from doing something I think he’ll really regret.”
Impulsive spending is a big problem in relationships because these big-ticket purchases can not only derail budgets, but they can also divert money from your emergency fund, and accidents or unexpected bills can happen at any time.
In most cases, the risk is not worth the reward, and impulsive spenders can learn the hard way when the consequences of their purchase come back to haunt them.
With wealth creation as a primary goal and shared value, Mary and her husband should focus on staying out of debt for any purchase that is a want, not a need.
Plus, major purchases should be mutual decisions in a relationship. Certified financial planner Alina Narr offers the following tips for couples who need to get on the same page about their financial priorities (3):
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Schedule regular conversations about money. This should include immediate plans, such as a monthly budget, and long-term goals such as retirement, college funds, and other future decisions.
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Be clear about your goals and values. These money talks should reveal how each of you views the role of money in your life and help you find what attitudes you have in common and where they differ.
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Spending versus saving. Narr says it’s common for one partner to spend and the other to save. Neither of these approaches is wrong, but couples in this situation should establish ground rules so that both parties feel respected.
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Ask for help. A party like a financial advisor or a couples therapist who specializes in money issues can help couples who have reached an impasse in their negotiations and get them back to working as a team.
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The Ramsey Show (1); Ipsos (2); EP wealth advisors (3)
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