Even the most money-conscious parents who spend years teaching their children how to budget, save, and avoid debt have to accept that older children will make their own decisions…and mistakes.
That gets especially complicated when those lessons involve love and money.
Imagine Jane, a 58-year-old mother, watching her 27-year-old daughter Krysta fall apart financially after a breakup. Jane had always considered Krysta responsible. He graduated from college, got a steady job, and always paid his bills on time.
Then Krysta met Tyler. Jane thought it was a little immature, but harmless. It wasn’t until later that she learned Tyler was terrible with money and Krysta enabled his behavior. He added Tyler as an authorized user on his credit card because it had a lower interest rate than his. She co-signed a car loan that he couldn’t get on his own. They rented a luxury apartment that they qualified for largely due to Krysta’s stronger credit score and income.
When the relationship ended, so did Tyler’s willingness to pay. Car payments were late. The credit card debt, he added, was not being paid. They broke the lease, but he bailed out half of the last month’s rent. And because much of the finances were tied to both their names, the damage followed Krysta. Your credit score plummeted. Jane wants to help, but what can she do in this type of situation?
Combining finances isn’t just about splitting the rent or sharing a streaming account: it can mean sharing responsibility. In Krysta’s case, she had a lot more to lose.
When someone lets a partner use their credit card, co-signs a loan, or qualifies for a home based on their stronger credit score, they are putting their own financial reputation on the line. Lenders don’t care who stole the card or drove the car. They care who’s name is on the contract.
This underscores a hard truth: adults are responsible for their own credit. Even if Krysta felt pressured or wanted to “help” Tyler, she willingly agreed to sign the paperwork.
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For parents like Jane, the instinct may be to step in and fix everything. But think about how vulnerable you must feel. In addition to mending a broken heart, Krysta might be dealing with shame and embarrassment.
Instead of offering unsolicited advice, Jane could say, “If it were me, I would want to look at every account and make a plan.” Framing it as insight rather than criticism can keep the conversation open.
Here are some steps Krysta can take to help her get back on track.
Close any joint accounts, delete added users: If Krysta shares any accounts with Tyler, she should close them. This can be complicated if there are outstanding balances. Let’s hope both parties can reach an agreement. You also need to remove them as an authorized user of your credit card, and the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau suggests that a person in this situation might also want to apply for a new card with a new number (1).
Negotiate Shared Loan Responsibility: The co-signed car loan can be difficult to handle, since Krysta is just as responsible for the debt as Tyler. Suspended car payments will continue to affect your credit score. Once again, I hope they can reach an agreement.
Change passwords for any shared services: Whether it’s an Amazon account or a bank account, if Krysta shared her login credentials with Tyler, it’s a good idea to change them. Many of these accounts contain sensitive information that you may no longer want him to access.
Build a modest emergency fund: The goal of an emergency fund is to keep you from going into (more) debt. Even $1,000 up front can help you stay out of trouble. Over time, you may want to save three to six months’ worth of expenses.
Game plan to face any debt: Two popular methods for getting into debt include focusing on the highest-interest debt first (the avalanche method) or focusing on the smallest balances first (the snowball method). Both have their merits and it may depend on which one motivates Krysta more.
Consider professional help: A nonprofit credit counseling agency can help create a structured repayment plan. In more serious cases, bankruptcy could be an option, although it should be considered carefully and usually as a last resort.
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Consumer Financial Protection Bureau (1)
This article provides information only and should not be construed as advice. It is provided without warranty of any kind.
