David, a caller from Boise, Idaho, turned to “The Ramsey Show” about growing monetary tensions in his eight-year relationship.
A personal finance expert told the hosts. David Ramsey and Ken Coleman that he and his girlfriend have accumulated about $60,000 in debt and earn approximately $10,000 a month combined.
David described himself as someone focused on budgeting and reducing debt, while his girlfriend, also 38, is more spontaneous with money. He wants to aggressively pay off the debt, but she prefers him to start first and plans to join later after seeing the results, a dynamic that has turned financial arguments into repeated arguments.
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Ramsey said the situation is determined by the fact that David and his girlfriend are not married. For this reason, he said, there is no shared legal or financial structure.
“You’re arguing with your roommate about how he handles money,” Ramsey said, emphasizing that the legal and financial reality doesn’t match the way David describes his situation.
He said each person has separate legal responsibilities and income. Although David refers to their finances as shared, Ramsey said lenders, employers and creditors recognize them only as two individuals, not as a single unit.
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“You’re trying to pretend you’re financially married when you’re not,” he said, adding that the mismatch creates constant tension.
“Eight years is enough time to paint or get off the ladder,” Ramsey said, addressing whether the relationship was definitely moving forward.
He said couples often have difficulty when trying to coordinate finances without making that call. “You’re going to have a hard time thriving relationally until you make that decision,” Ramsey said, adding that financial progress is also more difficult when legal responsibilities remain separate.
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Ramsey said that if marriage is the intended direction, premarital counseling should be part of the process, especially given their different approaches to money. He said couples with contrasting financial styles often succeed when they agree on direction and expectations.