Money, religion, and politics: These are the three topics you’re not supposed to discuss over dinner. But if you’re getting ready to get married, following this advice can lead to much bigger problems than a ruined meal.
As a financial educator and former NFCC Certified Credit Counselor, I’ve seen firsthand how lack of communication about money can tear households apart. In fact, 38% of divorcees report that financial disagreements were the main reason for their separation.
So if you’re getting ready to get married, it’s crucial that you feel comfortable talking about money with your partner as soon as possible. Here are my top eight questions to help start the conversation.
Don’t assume you know everything about your partner’s money or property. While it is not necessary to give each other 50% of all your assets when you get married, it is good to have transparency about this from the beginning. That includes:
If you plan to combine finances, you can share key details like bank names and account numbers with each other. You can even add your future spouse to your accounts as a beneficiary.
2. Do you have debts and how do you plan to pay them?
Hiding debts from a partner can be disastrous for a marriage. One survey found that 68% of people consider it “financial infidelity” and 38% say it is grounds for divorce.
So before you get married, make sure you are transparent about your debts. I highly recommend that you review your credit reports together to make sure nothing is overlooked. You can get them from AnnualCreditReport.com for free.
If you’re having trouble understanding your credit reports or need help finding a strategy to pay off your debts, contact an NFCC-certified credit counselor for guidance.
Your spouse’s credit scores can have a big impact on your financial future. For example, if you plan to buy a home together, each of your credit scores will help determine whether or not you qualify for a mortgage.
For most people, the easiest way to see their free credit scores is through one of their credit card issuers or their bank. If you don’t have access through those avenues, consider signing up for free score monitoring at MyFICO.com. Other free versions of his sheet music are also available through Experian and TransUnion.
4. What are your habits when it comes to spending and saving?
When married couples were asked what financial topics they argue about most, the top response was spending habits (53%), followed by impulsive purchases (47%) and a lack of saving money (35%), according to a Western & Southern Financial Group survey.
So if you want a more peaceful marriage, it’s essential to have honest and direct conversations about your spending and saving habits. This includes details like:
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Attitudes about spending versus saving
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Differences and similarities between your habits
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How to decide when a purchase is worth it
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Savings goals you are working toward (or want to work toward)
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Non-necessary items that you enjoy the most
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Major purchases you plan to make, such as properties
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How much of your salary(s) do you want to save or invest?
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Expectations about each person’s expenses once married
Keep in mind that many people’s habits are driven by emotions and personal experiences. For that reason, I recommend learning how your partner’s past shapes your approach to money management. For example, your fiancée may be afraid to spend money on things that aren’t necessary because she had a father who was financially irresponsible.
When you get married, your spouse’s family will most likely influence your finances. For example, your spouse may often give money to your parents, depend on a sibling to bail you out of financial problems, or foot the entire bill for family outings.
Before you get married, it’s important to discuss your expectations about involving your family members in your finances and possibly even establish some new guidelines together.
Prenuptial agreements, or prenups, have become increasingly popular in recent years, with nearly half of couples signing them before marriage.
Of course, that doesn’t mean you have to follow the trend. But as a financial educator, I would highly recommend that any engaged couple consider putting together one of these contracts.
While some people argue that getting a prenup is like planning to get a divorce, the reality is that establishing a prenup helps you better understand each other’s financial expectations, fears, and goals, which can strengthen your marriage.
Many people feel that there is a right or wrong way to combine finances in marriage. But the truth is, it is completely up to you and your future spouse. You may even decide to change your approach several times during your marriage.
That said, it’s critical that you make a clear decision together about whether or not to combine your bank accounts, keep them separate, or open a joint bank account for certain expenses. Making that decision early on can help avoid confusion, disagreements, and financial mistakes.
Read more: How to merge finances with your spouse after getting married
As a married couple, you will naturally have shared expenses, such as utilities and rent or mortgage payments. Who should pay the bills, buy the food, or cover the bill at restaurants? You two should decide that together.
I’ve seen many couples disagree about what’s fair, and gender roles often complicate matters. That’s why I often recommend trying a few different options to see which one fits. Whichever approach you decide on, be sure to write down a complete list of expenses and determine who will cover each one.