In the center of Conor Benn’s heavily tattooed torso is a large cross and on his lower stomach he has the words “Fear God” written in ink on his skin.
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Since he was a child, Benn has been a devout Christian, but his commitment to the faith has been seriously tested.
Benn moved to Mallorca, Spain with his parents and siblings as a child, and spent 12 years there.
From the outside his life had all the attributes of luxury, but the reality was very different.
“I lived in a beautiful house, a beautiful mansion, and I went to a private school,” Benn told BBC Sport.
“He was very Christian, very religious. The school was very extreme and the church was very extreme.”
“Christmas was blasphemy, that’s why we couldn’t celebrate it,” he added. “It was all too much.”
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Benn, 29, attended a fundamentalist Christian school and was told that “the world was coming to an end.”
His parents had become fully committed to evangelical life and the experience left Benn with scars much deeper than those he suffered inside the boxing ring.
Around age 12, the school believed Benn was “possessed by a demon.”
“It was very traumatic,” Benn said.
“You woke up in the morning and didn’t know if the antichrist was here.
“As a child, you were easily influenced by people in these positions or power.
“Looking back, because I don’t reflect on it often, you think it’s pretty evil.”
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As Benn prepares for a rematch against Chris Eubank Jr on Saturday and attempts to avenge the only defeat in his professional history, he tells BBC Sport about his memories of church and how he finally forgave his father, Nigel Benn.
Benn’s father Nigel is a former two-weight world champion and moved his family away from England to start over.
Nigel was dealing with personal problems after leaving boxing. These included sex addiction and a suicide attempt, and he thought the church would guide him in the right direction.
“At that time, my dad was vulnerable with everything going on in his life,” Benn said.
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“My dad had gone through things in life that I couldn’t understand. I was too young. He had moved out (of the family home) and lived with the shepherds for a year.”
With the school’s influence on his parents, Benn felt isolated and like he had no one to turn to.
“I can’t say my parents necessarily believed in the school, but you have to remember that you have pastors in a position of power that makes you feel like maybe something is wrong,” Benn added.
“They tricked me because I thought something was wrong with me.”
Benn couldn’t free himself from dark thoughts even when he was back at the family home.
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“I had nightmares, a recurring nightmare, and I would wake up petrified,” Benn said.
“I was just a child and I shouldn’t have had those dreams or fears.”
“It took me a lot of therapy to forgive”
That unorthodox upbringing caused Benn to advance into adulthood feeling “worried and angry.”
At 18, Benn and his family moved to Australia and it was only then that he began to realize the full impact.
“You’re trying to find your identity and who you are, as well as being told that maybe you’re possessed,” Benn said.
He resented his father, but they bonded and began rebuilding their relationship after Benn was arrested.
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“At 18 I got into trouble in Australia,” Benn said.
“I thought ‘oh, I have to go home and tell my dad what happened.’
“He gave me a hug and told me ‘we’ll get through this together’ and I realized he loved me.”
Benn was 21 when he married his wife Victoria and about a year later he realized he needed help processing his trauma.
He now has two children and remains a Christian.
“I have a lot of faith and I pray every day that I don’t let what I believe in be taken away from me,” Benn said.
“I want to find a church that truly worships God and has the foundation and foundations of a Christian.”
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On Saturday, Benn will be accompanied by his father, who faced Chris Eubank Sr in two iconic, bad-tempered fights in the 1990s, when he takes on Eubank Jr.
“How do we repair our relationship? Just by being honest with each other, sitting together, crying together, we’ve cried holding hands and holding each other,” Benn said.
“We have broken down and been vulnerable with each other. If I could only tell you how many times we have cried on each other’s shoulders.
“It took me some time and a lot of therapy to forgive.
“Now I look at my dad and think ‘you’re my hero’. He was always my hero.”
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Benn moves on from the dark chapter
Conor Benn has won 23 of his 24 fights as a professional (Getty Images)
When Benn lost on points against Eubank in April, it was a fight that had been two and a half years in the making.
The pair were scheduled to meet in October 2022, but the fight was canceled after Benn failed a voluntary drug test, leading to a two-year battle with anti-doping authorities, before his suspension was lifted in November.
Benn has always denied intentionally doping and had his father’s support at all times.
“I couldn’t have done it without my dad. We were really both going down together, we were fighting together,” Benn said.
“The number of times I came home crying, and I mean like a little kid, like my four-year-old would do to me.
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“I would tell my dad that I didn’t know if I could make it and that he was there to help me.”
Benn was vilified by sections of the British public for what they believed to be doping and was booed as he walked to the ring when he faced Eubank.
After losing that fight, Benn received applause when he entered the press room for the post-fight press conference.
It also seems like he’s starting to get the audience back on his side after that brave performance, as he hopes to put that dark chapter behind him.
“I fight for (the audience) and I want to entertain them; that’s a big priority for me,” Benn said.
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“Every time I get in the ring, I give everything I have, every ounce of blood and I pour out my heart.
“It took me years and years to understand that I will never be enough (for the public). Why? I’m doing the best I can.
“I am a boy who tries his best to be my father because he is my idol and hero.”
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